Around 10 years ago, my Bible study group leader had us memorize the verse from Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Little did I know then, how much this verse would impact my life.
Fast forward to November 2016, I am now contemplating on a new verse "Be still. Do you still have no faith?" To put it in context, this was the words Jesus said to the disciples while they were in a boat in the middle of a storm. To the disciples? They knew they were Jesus and who He was, but they were they still afraid! The same goes for me, God has shown his faithfulness time and time again, but every time a "storm" hits like this, I look around and say "how could I possible succeed?" This is so vain for me to think it's still all about me.
This week I am reminded that instead of looking at the crashing waves and hurling winds, I should look up and remember the good things God has done for me and that in all thing God is in control:
1. In 2007, I took up Economics and questioned God's plan for me. That time, I wanted to do something more "artsy".
2. In 2008, I went to Canada to learn French, being so young in a new environment was hard, but little did I know I will be migrating to Canada in 2011.
3. In 2012, I got into a Master's program in International Development. I even told my mom during my application period "It feels like I am shooting the moon- I won't ever make it"
4. In 2015, I got an internship with the provincial government, and then with the federal government. Actually, I was a just a month shy before I was going to be disqualified for that internship because of my age.
5. In 2016, I got an opportunity to work for UN for a year, but it's all through God's grace because I also barely reached the "fresh graduate" qualification to enter the internship program.
What little purpose I thought I had in 2007 has brought me where I am now.
But why is it that as 2017 starts to roll in, the panic of what is going to come next is starting to seep in again? Oh me of little faith? I tell myself "Finding a job in this industry is just so competitive. You are competing against the best of the best from all over the world- what chance do I have?"
This brings me back to my point- it's not about me and what I can do. I need to remember that God's plan is sovereign. And that amidst this self-doubt and insecurity, I am not in the centre of it all. I am reminded of this verse "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” God is teaching me that it is not in my abilities or in my planning that I will be able to figure out what "my next step" is. No matter how small or how big it will be, God will open the doors to where He wants me to be so His purpose can be fulfilled. I should be still in His presence knowing that God will never leave me nor forsake me for He has already gone ahead of me.
I may not know what lies ahead, but one thing I know is for sure- that if "in all (my) ways acknowledge him, and He will make (my) paths straight."
